If you are feeling suicidal now, please stop long enough to read this. It will only take about five minutes. I do not want to talk you out of your bad feelings. I am not a therapist or other mental health professional. I don’t know who you are. I only know that for the moment, you’re reading it, and that is good. If it were possible, I would prefer to be there with you at this moment, to sit with you and talk, face to face and heart to heart. But since that is not possible, we will have to make do with this.
I know that you might not be up to reading a long book, so I am going to keep this short. I have learned five simple, practical things I would like to share with you. I won’t argue with you about whether you should kill yourself. But I assume that if you are thinking about it, you feel pretty bad.
I hope your reading this means you are at least a tiny bit unsure, somewhere deep inside, about whether or not you really will end your life. Often people feel that, even in the deepest darkness of despair. Being unsure about dying is okay and normal. The fact that you are still alive at this minute means you are still a little bit unsure. It means that even while you want to die, at the same time some part of you still wants to live. So let’s hang on to that, and keep going for a few more minutes.
Consider this statement:
“Suicide is not chosen; it happens when your pain is greater than your ability to handle the situation.”
You are not a bad person, or crazy, or weak, or flawed, because you feel suicidal. It doesn’t even mean that you really want to die – it only means that you have more pain than you can cope with right now. If I start piling weights on your shoulders, you will eventually collapse if I add enough weights… no matter how much you want to remain standing. There are many kinds of pain that may lead to suicide. Whether or not the pain is bearable may differ from person to person. What might be bearable to someone else, may not be bearable to you. The point at which the pain becomes unbearable depends on what kinds of coping resources you have. Individuals vary greatly in their capacity to withstand pain.
When pain exceeds pain-coping resources, suicidal feelings are the result. Most people have had suicidal thoughts at some point in their life. This does not in any way make you a bad person; it is not a defect of character. It is simply an imbalance of pain versus coping resources.
You can survive suicidal feelings if you do either of two things:
(1) find a way to reduce your pain, or (2) find a way to increase your coping resources. Both are possible.
1. This too shall end. The first thing you need to hear is that people do get through this — even people who feel as badly as you are feeling now. Statistically, there is a very good chance that you are going to live. I hope that this information gives you some sense of hope.
2. The next thing I want to suggest to you is to give yourself some distance. Say to yourself, “I will wait 24 hours before I do anything.” Or a week. Remember that feelings and actions are two different things – just because you feel like killing yourself, doesn’t mean that you have to actually do it right this minute. Put some distance between your suicidal feelings and suicidal action. Even if it’s just 24 hours. You have already done it for 5 minutes, just by reading this page. You can do it for another 5 minutes by continuing to read this page. Keep going, and realize that while you still feel suicidal, you are not, at this moment, acting on it. That is very encouraging to me, and I hope it is to you.
3. The third thing is this: people often turn to suicide because they are seeking relief from pain. Remember that relief is a feeling. And you have to be alive to feel it. You will not feel the relief you so desperately seek, if you are dead.
4. The fourth thing is this: some people will react badly to your suicidal feelings, either because they are frightened, or angry; they may actually increase your pain instead of helping you, despite their intentions, by saying or doing thoughtless things. You have to understand that their bad reactions are about their fears, not about you.
But there are people out there who can be with you in this horrible time, and will not judge you, or argue with you, or send you to a hospital, or try to talk you out of how badly you feel. They will simply care for you.
Call our church office and ask to speak to Ronnie 1-276-728-2434 or e-mail to ronnie24317@yahoo.com
What does the Bible say about it?
The Bible is very clear that we don’t have the right to take our own lives. 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 says, “Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.”
Jesus also said in John 16:33, “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”
There is hope for your life, and your life is worth living, even if things seem really bad right now. Everyone feels lonely, depressed, or hopeless at times in their life. But instead of focusing on the negative, turn your eyes and mind up to Christ. In your relationship with him you will discover your exciting purpose and destiny. Don’t throw away your future!
Satan is the father of lies (John 8:44) and he will use everything in this world to make you believe that you are ugly, unloved, unworthy, not valued, not wanted or anything except the truth. What is the truth? For you “to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses all knowledge.” (Ephesians 3:18-19)
Satan does not want you to know this love, but it is there for you and it is unconditional.
Let’s Talk,
Ronnie