Made you laugh



The way the economy is going, some folks may soon be looking for new jobs. Here are some real-life examples of things to avoid in writing your resume:

~ “Education: Curses in liberal arts, curses in computer science, curses in accounting.”

~ “Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store.”

~ “Personal: Married, 1992 Chevrolet.”

~ “I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.”

~ “I am a rabid typist.”

~ “Created a new market for pigs by processing, advertising and selling a gourmet pig mail order service on the side.”

~ “Exposure to German for two years, but many words are not appropriate for business.”

~ “Proven ability to track down and correct erors.”

~ “Personal interests: Donating blood. 15 gallons so far.”

~ “I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely nothing and absolutely no one.”

~ “References: None, I’ve left a path of destruction behind me.”

~ “Don’t take the comments of my former employer too seriously; they were unappreciative beggars and slave drivers.”

~ “My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.”

~ “I procrastinate — especially when the task is unpleasant.”

~ “Qualifications: No education or experience.”

~ “Disposed of $2.5 billion in assets.”

~ “Accomplishments: Oversight of entire department.”

~ “Extensive background in accounting. I can also stand on my head!”

~ Cover letter: “Thank you for your consideration. Hope to hear from you shorty!”

(from Mikey’s Funnies)

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