This time of year can be stressful on everyone, especially parents. From money issues to the kids being home from school, it can be difficult to remember the basics of Love and Logic. This week, Dr. Charles Fay reminds us it is better to stay calm when enforcing limits instead of getting mad and lecturing.
Have a safe and happy holiday season from all of us at Love and Logic!
Anger and Frustration Feed Misbehavior…Reminders Fuel Both Some kids are like solar panels. Instead of collecting their energy from sunlight, they gather theirs from the heat radiating off of our red faces. When we get frustrated and angry, they think, “Wow! How exciting! Let’s try that one again!”
I struggle with this, too! Without thought, I start giving too many little reminders or warnings. Instead of simply enforcing limits when I’m still calm and collected, I let my lips flap until I’m nice and hot.
Bad idea!
When I remember to follow through without too many words, my kids behave better and so do I. For example, in our home we don’t allow food outside of the kitchen or dining area. Since our two-year-old already knows this, there’s no need for me to tell him again. When he breaks the rule, all I need to do is say, “Oh, how sad,” and take the snack away. End of story.
When our 15-year-old doesn’t do his chores, there’s no need for discourse. All that’s required is action. I can do his chores for him…AND let him find out that I drive kids where they want to go when I’m not worn out from doing their chores.
In our new CD, “Keeping Cool When Parenting Heats Up,” you’ll hear more ideas for parenting in a way that makes you proud.
Thanks for reading!
Dr. Charles Fay