Twelve Ways to Keep Your Church Small
Dr. Don Nations
DNA Coaching, 2007
1. Drone on with a long period of announcements, especially announcements that would not be understood by guests. Use all of the abbreviations (UMM, UMW, GBGM, GBOD, UMYF, etc.) you can.
2. Read a large number of prayer requests and allow people to share all of the gory details from the floor of the worship service, preferably without a microphone so that most people can’t hear what is being said.
3. Don’t trim the trees and hedges, paint the building, take the bugs out of the light fixtures, clean the carpets, repair the leaks, replace burned out light bulbs, etc. . . it’s just church!
4. Keep the music slow and mediocre – don’t expect excellence and don’t get exposure to people who might be better than your musicians and/or vocalists. And make sure to sing the same songs every week.
5. Have a low level of expectation for members . . . they will live right down to them.
6. Do everything at the last moment – don’t plan, think ahead, prepare, etc. Even better, spiritualize your lack of preparation by calling it “being open to the Holy Spirit”.
7. Don’t invest in advertising or publicity (someone just might come if you did that and they might sit in your seat).
8. Take forever to make decisions . . . if you wait long enough the need to act might go away.
9. Defer maintenance on the building . . . it only has to last as long as we live, right!?
10. Don’t let new people have leadership positions until they “prove” themselves worthy, preferably after several years.
11. Don’t engage in any continuing education for laity. If it was good enough for us then it should be good enough for everyone else.
12. Make everything that happens revolve around the likes and dislikes of one or two people in the church.
Don Nations is the President of DNA Coaching, a full-service church coaching and consulting firm. You are invited to view the DNA Coaching web site at www.dnacoaching.com. You can email Don at don@dnacoaching.com.