RESUME MISTAKES
The way the economy is going, some folks may soon be looking for new jobs. Here are some real-life examples of things to avoid in writing your resume:
~ “Education: Curses in liberal arts, curses in computer science, curses in accounting.”
~ “Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store.”
~ “Personal: Married, 1992 Chevrolet.”
~ “I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.”
~ “I am a rabid typist.”
~ “Created a new market for pigs by processing, advertising and selling a gourmet pig mail order service on the side.”
~ “Exposure to German for two years, but many words are not appropriate for business.”
~ “Proven ability to track down and correct erors.”
~ “Personal interests: Donating blood. 15 gallons so far.”
~ “I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely nothing and absolutely no one.”
~ “References: None, I’ve left a path of destruction behind me.”
~ “Don’t take the comments of my former employer too seriously; they were unappreciative beggars and slave drivers.”
~ “My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.”
~ “I procrastinate — especially when the task is unpleasant.”
~ “Qualifications: No education or experience.”
~ “Disposed of $2.5 billion in assets.”
~ “Accomplishments: Oversight of entire department.”
~ “Extensive background in accounting. I can also stand on my head!”
~ Cover letter: “Thank you for your consideration. Hope to hear from you shorty!”
(from Mikey’s Funnies)